Guru Rabbit

Turn a new leaf (and EAT it)

A Most Offensive Salad July 2, 2011

Filed under: Recipes — rabbit @ 9:49 am
Tags: , ,

I wanted to call this THE most offensive salad.  But due to the lack of fermented fish sauce, Limburger cheese, Marmite, or some other wildly odoriferous component, I had to remain humble.

It’s a raw onion salad.  With roasted garlic, and Kalamata olives.  Yow.

Roast a head of garlic first.  Remember how?

(Peel away the outer skin.  Cut the top off.  Rub with olive oil, salt, pepper.  Wrap in foil or parchment paper.  400°F for about an hour, or til soft and kinda sweet.)

Then you gotta face this guy…

And you definitely want a red onion.  They’re sweeter.

Chop off that little toupee and peel away the papery skin.  Then cut in half.  You will need only one half.

Slice it super thin, preferably on a mandolin.  Actually, that’s the only way you’ll get it super thin.

It needs to be super thin, otherwise it won’t absorb its dressing properly, and will be too intense.

And you’re going to cry.  There’s no escaping it.  Unless you wear a scuba mask.  See, the onion releases a sulfuric gas, and when it hits your eyes, you’re screwed.  You’re going to cry.

But then things get fun.

Sea salt, fresh cracked pepper, paprika, and dill.  That should do.

Then sprinkle with balsamic vinegar and champagne vinegar (or some kind of light, sweet vinegar).  If you’d like, some olive oil will be nice (but personally, I’m not really using oil at home lately).  Chop up a handful of Kalamatas, or another type of black olive, throw those in.  Scrape your garlic cloves into the mix.

And this is how you DON’T get laid.

This is one of those that will get better with some time, as the seasonings and vinegar marinate the onion.  By itself, this is not for the faint of heart.  But you can soften the blow by eating it with a bit of tahini, hummus, mayo, sour cream, goat cheese, etc.  You can also use it as more of a relish, like on a sandwich or over a green salad.  And naturally, you can make the salad itself less offensive by mixing in cucumber, tomato, bell pepper, cooked potato, etc.

Seriously, don’t eat a bunch of this the same day you plan to get your swag on.  Do eat this if you like the components.  Do eat it for the garlic and onion’s anti-inflammatory properties.  If you feel a cold coming on, this is a good way to alleviate it.  And olives.  They’re awesome.  They have good fat, vitamin E, and the Kalamatas help to cut the intensity of the onion.  And they’re awesome.  I love olives.

Do eat this right before personally speaking to someone you want to avoid the rest of your life. ;)

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5 Responses to “A Most Offensive Salad”

  1. miamimomma Says:

    Why do you want to subject us to this hell? Let me find a picture of you slicing onions!

  2. Actually looks and sounds really delicious!
    P.S. Stephanie Farrell (Peck); been reading your blog for a bit now.

  3. Tatiana Says:

    this looks DELICIOUS! I think I will make this and put it on some avocado sandwiches!


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