Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo.
First of all, you need tortilla chips. Buckets of them. Because you’ll need something dry and bland to soak up the tequila.
You will also need them to accompany the salsa and guacamole. This ain’t just common sense. It’s just sense.
Then, you need to get this stuff:
It’s a blend of dehydrated chili, lime, and salt.
Wait, what…? Right.
Where do you get it? The Mexican/Latin grocery store.
What do you put it on?
mac and cheese
beans and bean dips
guacamole (for something extra)
banana and peanut butter (couldn’t help it)
your grumpy cat
your food-hopeful dog
your creepy boyfriend/girlfriend
your creepy best friend
and babies, of course.
Then, you could make a nice, earthy, spicy vegetarian chili. Maybe some mango bars for dessert. Y’know, my dad (who is Mexican) might’ve become a priest, except he got kicked out of seminary school for stealing mangoes from the yard next door. True story.
Good thing he didn’t become a priest. Because then I wouldn’t be here. And you like me, right? Eerrr…
You could also learn how to make tamales. It’s not that hard, really. This guy pretty much knows what it’s all about.
Then you could stew some coarsely chopped tomatoes… (not hard: just chop up several big, fat tomatoes, and put them over medium-high heat)
Along with some spices like cumin, coriander, cloves, allspice, maybe same cocoa… worcteshestire sauce (vegan or not), sugar, salt, and pepper to taste. *Edit: And a couple chipotle chiles in adobo sauce. I can’t believe I forgot that part… Duh.
Puree, and you have a bold and spicy sauce for tamales. Or whatever. Kittens and such.
I’ll let you know what happens for my Cinco de Mayo. In the meantime, don’t drink Corona. I mean… c’mon. Negra Modelo’s nice… And I’ll only give you Dos Equis because of the commercials…
P.S. I bought a sombrero!