I made PIES.
Pies for you and everyone to enjoy. You can make these pies tonight while you drink Scotch and worry about your Thanksgiving plans. And those weird relatives. Then while the pies are cooling you can drink more Scotch and think about how you’re going to get back at those relatives…
Eat pecans and chocolate.
Because you’re not Hemingway and need to eat something
Okay, here it is. 1) I don’t really drink Scotch. But I’m not against it… 2) Coconut Rum Pecan Pie. 3) Chocolate Swirled Pumpkin Pie. 4) OMG GO MAKE THESE NOW.
Seriously, these pies… One is vegan, one is not, both are scrumptious and will earn you brownie points. Errr, pie points. The crusts are really up to you, if you have a favorite recipe or want to use pre-made ones. These are just my suggestions.
Coconut Rum Pecan Pie
1 1/4 cup flour
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp sugar
8 Tbsp cold butter, cut into small chunks
1 1/2 cup brown sugar
4 tbsp butter, melted
1/2 cup coconut rum
1/4 tsp salt
optional: a splash of vanilla
1 cup pecan pieces
1/2 cup dried coconut
pecan halves to decorate the top
1) Preheat your oven to 350 °F. For the crust, mix together the flour, salt and sugar in a food processor. Then add the butter chunks and pulse until you get a mixture that looks like fine bread crumbs. Process while adding a bit of cold water until the dough starts to come together. Turn the dough onto a floured surface and use your hands to bring it together and make sure it’s uniform. Lightly grease a 9-inch pie plate or pan. Roll the dough to around 11 inches so that it fits well into the pie pan. Roll the dough around your rolling pin, and release it onto the pan. You can do the edges however you like.
2) Make the filling– whisk together the brown sugar, rum, melted butter, eggs, salt, and vanilla, if using. Spread the pecan pieces and coconut into your pie crust and pour the filling over. Top with pecan halves however you like. Bake on a tray 45 minutes to an hour, or until a toothpick comes out clean.
Chocolate Swirled Pumpkin Pie
8 oz Oreo-type cookies (I used the Whole Foods brand, I dunno if you’re a Hydrox person or whatevs…)
a couple Tbsp melted butter, Earth Balance, non-hydrogenated shortening, etc.
(I’m not going to lie, this is based on last year’s pumpkin pie… Shut up.)
1/4 cup arrowroot or cornstarch
1/2 cup sugar
3/4 cup non-dairy milk
1/2 tsp salt
1 of 15-oz can pumpkin
1 tsp vanilla
optional (but recommended…): a schtickle of whiskey, rum, dessert wine, etc.
3 oz bittersweet chocolate, melted and cooled
1) Preheat oven to 375°F. For the crust, grind the cookies finely in a food processor. Transfer to your pie plate. Mix gradually with the melted butter just until the crumbs can stick to each other, and use your hands to form the crust. Bake 10-15 minutes, until firm. Hint: you can smell the chocolatey goodness when it’s about ready.
2) Make the filling. Whisk together the arrowroot starch, sugar, and milk. Add the remaining ingredients and mix well. In a separate bowl, mix about 1/4 to 1/3 of the pumpkin filling with the melted chocolate.
3) Pour the plain pumpkin filling into your pie crust and smooth it out. (You probably won’t need all the filling, so save it for minis!) Dollop the chocolate-pumpkin filling on top and swirl around with a knife. Bake around 40-45 minutes, or until the edges have puffed up a bit and are set. The center will still be pudding-like.
Allow these pies to cool completely. Preferably overnight. In the refrigerator.
(You can even freeze them until T-Day!)
I know, it’s painful.
Go cry about it. And punch your relatives.