Guru Rabbit

Turn a new leaf (and EAT it)

She Thought It Was Chocolate Pudding… March 9, 2013

Filed under: Recipes — rabbit @ 11:54 am
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I can’t believe I used to dislike olives.

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I wonder when I first had a Kalamata olive…?

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Pitting olives is meditative.

Not really.

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I must tell you…  I brought the end result of this recipe to work.  I was about to dip some broccoli into it when I saw my co-worker staring over.  She looked concerned.  She’s often concerned for my sanity.

“What is that?”, she asked, like a deer in headlights.

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She thought I was about to dip my broccoli in chocolate pudding.

Hmm…  Don’t put ideas in my head now…

Kalamata Olive & Walnut Hummus

Initially I thought about doing a tapenade with the olives and walnuts.  But then I remembered some black-eyed peas waiting to be used.  Oookaaaay, I said.  Olive lovers, this hummus is for you.  If you like, but not love, olives, you can dial back the amount of olives and see how you feel with the result.  I like the walnuts in place of tahini because their rich, yet mellow flavor pairs nicely with the briny olive, but I imagine tahini would be just as awesome.


1 cup cooked black-eyed peas, garbanzos, or a combination

1/2 cup pitted Kalamata olives

1/2 cup walnuts

some fresh or dried herbs of your choice– rosemary, thyme, sage, etc.

red wine vinegar– enough to achieve the desired consistency

salt & pepper to taste

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In a food processor, combine the beans, olives, walnuts, and herbs.  Pulse everything together, then add enough red wine vinegar to smooth out the consistency.  You can also use a bit of olive oil or water to adjust the consistency so you don’t use too much vinegar.  Add salt and pepper (remember to go easy on the salt since the olives add brininess).  If the olive taste is too intense, you can drizzle in a bit of honey or agave.


A Most Offensive Salad July 2, 2011

Filed under: Recipes — rabbit @ 9:49 am
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I wanted to call this THE most offensive salad.  But due to the lack of fermented fish sauce, Limburger cheese, Marmite, or some other wildly odoriferous component, I had to remain humble.

It’s a raw onion salad.  With roasted garlic, and Kalamata olives.  Yow.

Roast a head of garlic first.  Remember how?

(Peel away the outer skin.  Cut the top off.  Rub with olive oil, salt, pepper.  Wrap in foil or parchment paper.  400°F for about an hour, or til soft and kinda sweet.)

Then you gotta face this guy…

And you definitely want a red onion.  They’re sweeter.

Chop off that little toupee and peel away the papery skin.  Then cut in half.  You will need only one half.

Slice it super thin, preferably on a mandolin.  Actually, that’s the only way you’ll get it super thin.

It needs to be super thin, otherwise it won’t absorb its dressing properly, and will be too intense.

And you’re going to cry.  There’s no escaping it.  Unless you wear a scuba mask.  See, the onion releases a sulfuric gas, and when it hits your eyes, you’re screwed.  You’re going to cry.

But then things get fun.

Sea salt, fresh cracked pepper, paprika, and dill.  That should do.

Then sprinkle with balsamic vinegar and champagne vinegar (or some kind of light, sweet vinegar).  If you’d like, some olive oil will be nice (but personally, I’m not really using oil at home lately).  Chop up a handful of Kalamatas, or another type of black olive, throw those in.  Scrape your garlic cloves into the mix.

And this is how you DON’T get laid.

This is one of those that will get better with some time, as the seasonings and vinegar marinate the onion.  By itself, this is not for the faint of heart.  But you can soften the blow by eating it with a bit of tahini, hummus, mayo, sour cream, goat cheese, etc.  You can also use it as more of a relish, like on a sandwich or over a green salad.  And naturally, you can make the salad itself less offensive by mixing in cucumber, tomato, bell pepper, cooked potato, etc.

Seriously, don’t eat a bunch of this the same day you plan to get your swag on.  Do eat this if you like the components.  Do eat it for the garlic and onion’s anti-inflammatory properties.  If you feel a cold coming on, this is a good way to alleviate it.  And olives.  They’re awesome.  They have good fat, vitamin E, and the Kalamatas help to cut the intensity of the onion.  And they’re awesome.  I love olives.

Do eat this right before personally speaking to someone you want to avoid the rest of your life. ;)